Saturday, November 27, 2021 19:46

Message to myself

For tonight, a list of message-questions that are supposed to make us think about how happy the life we live now is, and how satisfied we are with it. I admit, at some pills it kinda gives me a floating point value…

  • Do you like who you are?
    – Sentimentally, yes, wholeheartedly. Spiritually and mentally, yes.. half-heartedly. Physically, no, although it could have been worse.
  • What would people say about you at your funeral?
    – I hope good things, and cheerful. Or rather, nothing. I will know what they will say in their hearts.
  • What do you regret you didn’t do in your life?
    – That I didn’t know how to keep the gift that I was given at the beginning of the path.
  • What’s the wisest thing you heard someone say?
    “What you do not like, don’t do to others!” It applies just about everywhere. And I think that everything would be different if everyone would apply this syntagma.
  • What life lessons have you learned the hard way?
    – Confidence in people, naivety. In fact, I haven’t learned it. I always learn it to forget it just as quickly and constantly fail the exam.
  • How often your worst fears and concerns come true?
    – Lately, more and more often. But I admit, it could have been worse, much worse.
  • If you had just one year left to live, what would you try to accomplish?
    – I do not know if it would be right, but I would try to love almost wild, with all my being, as I have never done before. I think it would be unfair because after that the separation would be even harder.
  • Are you afraid to be yourself around others?
    – Most times, yes. Around strangers, certainly.
  • What are you grateful for?
    – For the fact that I breathe, that my parents are alive, that I am not ignorant, that I am different.
  • Did you do something to be proud of, recently?
    – Not for people, but, yes, I did things of which to be proud of.
  • If you knew you are going to die tomorrow, what questions would you ask yourself?
    – What awaits me “beyond”? Is there a “beyond”? What have I meant here? Who will really miss me? What was the purpose of my life? What have I really achieved?
  • If your deepest fears would become reality, how much would that matter in five years from now?
    – Enormous. Referring to the truly profound ones, it would brand me for life.
  • Have you done acts of kindness recently?
    – Yes, but not for people.
  • How would you describe yourself?
    – Naive, romantic, mysterious, funny, loyal, devoted, different. Sometimes macabre.
  • Do you listen to people’s advices?
    – It depends on the people. Sometimes.
  • Do you get easily angry?
    – Thank God, no!
  • Do you consider yourself a good person?
    – I have no idea. But I think I would want to spend time with me, if I were someone else. I believe, however, that I could be better.
  • Do you enrich the lives of others?
    – I wish. The parents’, certainly. The others, I do not know, I was not told.
  • Do you live a meaningful life?
    – I live a life full of half-meanings. A life with many beginnings, which sometimes lead nowhere.
  • What makes a life meaningful?
    – In my case, spiritual, sentimental happiness. Probably children, I can not opine.
  • Would you ever give your life to save someone else’s?
    – Certainly. I am going to die someday anyway, regardless if I want or not. Rather than die for nothing, I’d prefer my death to have a purpose.
  • How much would you be willing to sacrifice for the poor?
    – I am sacrificing from my little as much as I can sacrifice. Most often, for the spiritually poor. I would have liked to have been in a position to help more.
  • If you could live one day on endlessly repeated, what would you choose to do?
    – Love. :)) I’m kidding. I’d want to be with all those whom I love, to laugh, to hug and be happy. And yes, to make love! (not to all whom I love! ^^)
  • You think you are important and worthy of attention and love?
    – Yes, I think. But it doesn’t matter what I think, really important is what others think. Am I?
  • What would make you more valuable? What should be different about you?
    – To think more about others. To be stronger spiritually. To find my inner peace easier. To no longer be so reliant on others to build my own happiness.
  • What gets you down the most?
    – Loneliness, the fact of being ignored, betrayal.
  • You prefer to work less (and do things you like) and have less money?
    – That’s what I actually do. :) Or, at best, work what I like.
  • Where do you find peace?
    – The mother’s arms, in books, in cemeteries, in drawing, in music.
  • What is the most important quality you seek in others?
    – Fidelity. Unconditional loyalty. Eliminatory examination in establishing a relationship of any kind with me.
  • What is your fondest dream in life?
    – To have a little russian baby girl, whom to grow up so as to become a human in the true sense of the word.
  • What’s your biggest fear?
    – To lose my parents. To be alone.
  • How would the world be different if you were not born?
    – Not very different, unfortunately. Maybe just some friends a little poorer in their souls. I hope not to sound arrogant.
  • What life lessons you wish you’d known 10 years ago?
    – That not all that flies can be eaten. And it matters only what makes you happy.
  • If you could tell something to yourself when you were younger, what would it be?
    – “Do not bother about what others say, have self-confidence!”
  • If your life were a movie, what would be the title?
    – Tragedy in four acts. :)
  • What is success for you?
    – To go to bed at night and be satisfied, contented and happy for the ended day.
  • If you could be a different person, who would you be?
    – The person who has influenced my life most of all. Mother.
  • What was the happiest day of your life?
    – First shared love.
  • What bad habits do you want to quit?
    – To keep believing that I will live forever, and to do things that are not worth my time.
  • You know your partner’s love language?
    – You always learn… :)
  • Do people whom you love most know that you do?
    – I think not. I do not know. Maybe. I should show it more often.
  • Are you satisfied with the depth of your relationships?
    – From my part? Yes. From the other side? Sometimes.
  • What do you owe to yourself?
    – The desire to evolve, to self-improve, the desire to be different.
  • Do you often say “yes” when you should say “no”? Why?
    – Yes! (even here I don’t have the power to say “no!”). I’m afraid to hurt people, to let them down, make them sad.
  • What new thing did you learn yesterday?
    – A new technique of pencil drawing :)
  • What do you like about yourself?
    – Grace. Common sense. Being childish.
  • Do you consider yourself a generous person?
    – Not as much as I should be.
  • Do you really listen when people talk to you?
    – I’ve always been a better listener than talker. I like listening to people, their life stories fascinate me, I love to learn them, to discover them.
  • What is the main change you need to do in your life this year?
    – To revise my faith in people. I should care more about my health. Sew my soul back.
  • How many hours per week do you spend on the internet?
    – Limitlessssssss :)
  • What are your most common negative thoughts? Are they logical?
    – They aren’t logical. “What if I’m wrong?”; “What if I fail?” “What if I put myself in a ridiculous situation?” “Will I still be tomorrow?” “What if I will be alone?”, Etc.
  • You think it’s too late to do certain things? Why?
    – No! No no no! I refuse to believe this!
  • If you could be the most influential person on earth, what would you change?
    – I’d love to make people more spiritually open, more patient, more close, more loving, more understanding, more compassionate, more logical.
  • How much time do you spend with family and friends?
    – So little that my feathers bristle!
  • Is your life complicated by unnecessary things?
    – Yes. I carry way too heavy spiritual loads, waste time on worthless things, accept to take too much negative energy.
  • What stresses you?
    – Futility. Ignorance. Stupidity.
  • What makes your life easier?
    – Smiles. Hugs. Caresses. Small evidences that I do not live in vain.
  • How often do you give without expecting anything in return?
    – About all the time. Principle of life.
  • What is the biggest challenge for you?
    – I myself. I have to reconcile two people inside me.
  • What do you regret the most for not telling someone?
    – “I love you!”
  • When was the last time you tried something new?
    – Yesterday.
  • Are you afraid to give advices?
    – Yes. I do not give advices as a principle. I offer my opinion when and if it’s requested.
  • Are you holding onto something that you should leave behind?
    – Too many things. Sometimes I think that I’m living in the past.
  • How often do you let your fears drag you back? 
    – About half of my life.
  • How often do you apologize?
    – Obsessively much, almost annoying (I think).
  • What is the mistake that you will not repeat again?
    – To give people full trust since first meeting them.
  • What’s worse, to fail or to try?
    – Both. Both hurt almost as badly. Sentimentally, to fail. For everything else, not to try.
  • If you could choose not to have challenges and obstacles in life, would you do it?
    – Challenges, no. Obstacles, yes. Without obstacles, I think I would be happier. But maybe I would not be me…
  • How often do you go to bed feeling nervous?
    – Extremely rare. I think that most often I actually confuse anger with disappointment.
  • Would it be wrong to steal to feed a hungry child?
    – Never.
  • If you would pay more attention to the sad things in this world, would you feel more responsible about them?
    – Of course. I do pay attention now, but not as much as I should.
  • If we learn from failure, why is it so bad to fail?
    – Fear of ridicule? Fear of wasting time? To take it from the beginning over and over again? To permanently lose opportunities/things/people?
  • Why do we appreciate people more after we lose them?
    – Stupidity. At least in my case.
  • What you gave up?
    – To become what I should have been.
  • How many people do you really love and what do you do for them?
    – 9 divine little people. Not enough as they deserve, clearly!
  • Do you ask enough questions, or are you satisfied with what you know?
    – Sometimes I ask too many, even when I shouldn’t.
  • What were you doing last time when you lost track of time?
    – Embracing.
  • Do you think you’d be more happy if you shouldn’t have to work ever?
    – Depends. If I were free to do what makes me happy, yes.
  • How old would you be if you did not know your age and you wouldn’t have a mirror?
    – 15? :)) How I think says it all…
  • If you could ask a wish, what would it be?
    – To continue to love and be loved, as I think it really means to love.
  • What are the things you could not live without?
    – Loved ones (they are not things, but…), air, water, food. I do not think there are many material things without which I could not really live.
  • What do you like to do consistently?
    – To talk to people, to discover them; to sing; to read and write; to draw; to learn new things; to remember moments with the loved ones; to be childish and pamper.
  • When did you last time laughed so loud that you sternum hurt?
    – A month ago, with Ccrissa at Zmentă’s Show.

I send the list of questions to miss Vendretta, when she ends up with summer practice, the cheerful girl , Vienela , Sweet & Salty  and Potecuţei . And everyone also who wants to ask themselves such questions (I have to send this message to myself from time to time, maybe I will not forget it from hand to mouth) …

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