Writing is not my main quality. It does not represent me. And no matter how hard I try, I will not be able to describe myself as I am. They say the first impression is always wrong. Or maybe the first lines? If I’d rewrite this tab of an infinite number of times, I’d write about an infinite number of people, and the description of any of them would not be the same. I won’t manage to disregard myself as much as I should in reality, nor will I remember all the details to brag and extol myself.
A first thing about me… I always liked, ever since I opened my eyes in this world, not to be alike anyone. To be me. To be different in everything and everywhere. To shock and leave everyone the impression of “Wow, I’ve never met such a person!” I didn’t always succeed, nor will I always succed in the future, I am convinced. But I tried every second of my life, and I shall always try. Ultimately, this is what life means, to keep trying, right? I was for the first part of my life extremely shy… and hardly got rid of this disadvantage. It was not until puberty. Or maybe I never really got rid of it, maybe I only learned to better mask it and give a feeling of control.
Also in early adolescence I felt that I love rock. And that I’m a rockgirl. And that says a lot. I was free from prejudice and never judged. I always did what I wanted, good or bad. I have always sought stability and offered stability and steadiness. I didn’t like betrayal, and unfortunately I had it in abundance. I am a loyal and faithful person to those who deserve. I hardly disarm in front of challenges and I keep returning to the points where I met defeat. I’m of an exemplary stubbornness and people know me for my affinity to scrupulous and painstakingly things. I accept competition in all of its forms and I love fair play. I avoid snobbery and stupidity and I get terribly angry when viewed with superiority or arrogance. I am childish to the core of my being and I struggle with excessive sensitivity. I hate loneliness and I dedicate myself with my whole being to people that I care about.
I belonged to the most diverse environments, I had friends from the pure chiseling to the vulgar suburb. Important is that I kept away from anything that I considered harmful, and I remained myself. I wanted not to be stereotyped. A little robot. That’s why I wore piercings since I was 15 years old, or I dyed my hair blue. And if the so-called “elevated” people looked at me raising an eyebrow, whispering “punk” between their teeth, I always knew how to shut their mouths up. How? The thirst for knowledge. I learned almost everything I was offered the opportunity, on just about any topic. I read whole hectares of books and I felt passionate from the pencil drawing or poetry, to programming or astronomy.
I love beauty, tenderness, love the sun and life, and yet I also have a propensity to fantastic, fascinating, mysterious, macabre, dreamy…
There are many years since I realized that I love Gothic. That I am a Gothic person. At first, this fact scared me. It scared me to be outside the society. Now I love this very thing. I am a Gothic person, I’m outside of society, I’m unique and I’m glad it is so! :)
“If most people wear colors, but think black and white, I dress black and white, but my soul is colorful!”