Friday, May 27, 2022 03:56

Things to do in an elevator

I have a loooooong list of things that get me out of the despondency into which still I sometimes fall. The most serious problem is that, I suppose, they are all hiding of me. I think that maybe I am abusing them, or maybe I don’t give anything in return for the sudden revival that they offer me, I have no idea! The fact is that no matter how I gather one by one things “good-to-be-held-around-one’s-house-to-cheer-up-in-case-of-need”, when I really get to the said need case and i try to bring them out in the light, take them if you can find them. I sit sad and knead my brain looking for anything to get me out of lethargy, just-just i’ll get away. Yeah, right! As if its a sorcery! Literally mind black hole, nothing, nada, nihil!

Obviously, when I am in a good emotional state, and I wouldn’t require too many things of cheering extra++, they all come in pile, crowding under my eyes and raising two fingers, as in school. At which point I take and arrange them on class, family, species, branch, and I even put signs, sure that this time I’ll know where to find them at the next mood crisis. (Ha!).

Last night, browsing through some very-very old computer folders (10 years, my God!!), I came across some text documents copied from a CD of my desk’s colleague in high school. All in the category “read them as fast as you can”, “funny SMS”, “pearls”, “cool”, “hanging and not only”, etc, etc, you got the point. Among them I found one that I found quite hilarious, even much more so as I tried to imagine as vividly as I could the points exposed in the document. And because “sharing is carrying”, here you go:

THINGS TO DO IN THE ELEVATOR

– To make Formula One car noises when someone enters or leaves
– Blow your nose and ask them if they want to see
– To sell Oriflame products
– To open your bag, look inside and say “Do you have enough air in there?”
– To give each person entering the elevator a badge with a name and wear yours in reverse
– Sit in the corner facing the wall, without saying nothing and without getting out
– To greet warmly all who enter and tell them to call you “The Admiral”
– Doing yoga
– To stare at another passenger and after ten floors to say “today I have clean socks!”
– After the elevator is crammed, to say “damn, I feel like throwing up!”
– Read religious passages aloud
– Barking occasionally
– To make bets with other passengers that you can stick coins in your nose
– To show other passengers a wound and ask “do you think it is infected? “
– To keep holding a refrigerating box that says “human organs”
– To stare at another passenger, then whisper angrily “you are one of them!”
– To burp and then say “mmm … delicious!”
– To leave a box between the doors
– Asking each passenger that gets in if you can press the button in their place
– To wear a muppet through which to communicate with other passengers
– To play the harmonica
– Doing “ding!” at each floor
– To lean against the buttons
– To press all the buttons saying “What does this button do?”
– Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope
– To draw a square on the floor and to announce the others that that is your personal space
– To take a chair with you
– Doing saliva balloons
– To stretch your chewing gum
– To make explosion sounds every time someone presses a button
– To stare at the little finger and say “I think it gets bigger”
– To block the door and not let anyone enter or exit
– To dance to the music of the elevator
– To ask everyone if they have the cure for vampirism
– To invent a new language and be persistent in asking questions to the people
– Look at the ceiling and say “looks like it will be a full moon today”
– Announce with a demonic voice “I must find a new host!”

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