Apparently, I’m full of philosophical thoughts lately, and I am tying my head ’cause it really “hurts” (in fact, it doesn’t hurt, I’m just a spoiled brat in writing). It’s not easy to be more stubborn than the average of people and still babysit everyone that “there is always a way.” Especially when you discover by yourself, with the cheek in your palm, that there are indeed times when there really is no other way, even if you go around, dig under or climb over it). I’m pissed that there are times when I think of situations that I feel them disastrous, and yet I indulge myself in them, and I even look surprised when they occur and the result is the one expected. From the point of view X, I know that ignoring someone you care about (for whatever reasons you may have), you will regret it enormously when you’ll no longer have that person around, physically or spiritually. Yet I ignored. When I was about to lose that person, I broke hell in four with my bare hands to change anything. The moment when everything has been solved, more or less, I began to feel the same disability in being open and close. Like in a bad movie. Except that I still shock myself to see how things that would be normal and that you want to do, you can not. Simply, you can not. As if someone has tied up your feet, when you were running towards…
From the point of view Y, I still do not know if I should like situation twists or not. Because that taxi driver guy that drove me some time ago, made me think initially that he is the kind to drive you insane with all sorts of idle conversations about politics, weather or how bad going the taxi driver life is, until you get bored to death or, with a little more dare under the hood, to ask him discreetly to shut up. I say initially because although I brag around I know a few more things in various areas of science than the average people, my driver made me drop my jaw and realize that in my undeclared, acknowledged and most of the times unjust superficiality (which does not prevent it to exist, unfortunately), I judge people, movies, books, …, by the packaging, and – even worse – by some at least obscure generalizations. When this taxi driver guy started to mumble twenty minutes about geography, history, astronomy, physics and mathematics, I dumbfounded. “Do not think I have no school. I have the street school too… Until after the Revolution, i was a high school teacher. And I liked it. But I ended up a taxi driver. You never know what kind of music the life sings to you…”. I swallowed a huge knot in my throat, getting out of his car. I didn’t even take the change. I wish I could have paid that race thrice. And I wish wholeheartedly I would have had a taxi driver that listens to manele (horrible oriental music, very popular in Romania, nn), swearing like a punk and being a complete jerk hitting up on me!
From the point of view Z, I’m quite great when it comes to evolution. I always find something new to learn/modify/improve/remove. Like the wisdom words of a dear friend: “When I grow up I want to be a kid.” Regarding the elegance chapter, I still have work to do with a trowel in my hand, according to the asynchronous system, “Give, daddy, to me too / A shovel and trowel, / I shall go on site, / To become a brigadier” (Romanian poetry for kids, in the Communist era). For example, I thought with my whole being that some behaviors are un-elegant and very un-lady-like. Naturally, I would scream and swear for two hours straight too, if someone would step on my tail, and maybe even more. But it wouldn’t be elegant. I prefer to take my bushy tail and put it elsewhere. But when I’m stepped on the tail and I place it again intentionally in your path, so you step over it three more times just so I get downright pissed and grab you better in my claws, what’s there left to do? Is this the first symptom of a long and perhaps incurable illness? Was it just an oversight, or are we unconcernedly changing our system of values? It would be at least posh to have some philosophical thoughts on this plan…
Șoapte...
Tags: inner demons, meanings, way of being
